• i see the good in everyone

    in ikea today, after shopping for the-best-darn-beach-shovels-that-ever-were, i, not surprisingly, found myself day dreaming of travel to sweden. we were sat in the restaurant, both kids making a ...

inch by inch

images0PS8U333i can count the number times that i’ve spanked my eldest son. fortunately, the number of incidents is low, and does not exceed the fingers on one (offending) hand.

here’s the math: i have spanked him four times in his four years. three times happened in his third year; the year, not surprisingly, that we added a second child to our family, my stress increased multifold, and i experienced a vicious post partum depression. the fourth time occurred this year, his fourth year, just a couple of months ago.

the first three times, i felt out of control. i was at my limit and it was reactive. i yelled and screamed as it happened. it felt surreal doing it, like i was out of my body and it wasn’t even me who was responsible for it. i was though, even if it was a version of myself that was impaired; the deficient model. he knew too. he could see me through that mess and he pointed at me, stern faced, and (rightly) told me off each time.  i tried to shake the guilt and told myself that they were isolated incidents, rare and atypical occurrences situated in a imperfect context. i tried to  forgive myself so i could move on, get back to baseline: the place where i’m a skilled parent.

the last time (meant in more ways than one), i actually chose to spank him. he was the one out of control, he was putting his brother at risk in the tub, and i had had enough. out he came and a quick spank was delivered to reinforce the point.

he whipped his head around at me in horror and i saw the shock, fear, and betrayal in his eyes. before he turned to scream at me, i also saw the mark that the sting of my fingers left on his bath-damp bare bottom. “you shouldn’t of done that momma, that wasn’t nice!”, he braved from the doorway.

later, when he came to address it with me in conversation, apparently the more mature of the two of us that day, he made the real point worth making: “momma, that hurt my heart“.

i’ve never been a subscriber to the rhetoric that spanking is a useful or effective strategy. in my opinion, spanking is a lazy, impulsive, and hostile way to communicate and discipline. i’ve done it, but i know that there is always a better way. the best way is never again and i am capable of that. i can be better; my best. i can do that for him.

his heart is not to be hurt. surely not by me.

 

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heart throb

7 reasons why being the mom of boys is kind of like being a teenage girl with a crush. (no, really). 7. you spend hours at the skate park hoping that the cutest guys there will make eye contact with you. 6. on the sidelines of their sporting events you bounce between being the loudest and most enthusiastic fan […]

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shiny happy people

“is this the best that i can do for me?”. after a particularly inspiring new year’s yoga session, centered on the theme “a new year, a new you”, i have been asking myself the above question daily. sometimes, i check in more frequently, asking myself before i stay late at work, or choose how to spend some free time, or decide what food to put in my body. […]

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“she’s just in another house”

never. we never lose our loved ones. they accompany us; they don’t disappear from our lives. we are merely in different rooms. -paulo coelho

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i get it from my mama

i went away with my momma recently, a planned getaway for us to remove ourselves from our daily life and share with one another what is so fleeting: time. some mothers crave “me” time, some crave “friend” time, some crave “couple” time. most want more “play” time, lots want more time to invest in their career, or their art, or their education, or […]

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it’s always darkest before the dawn

there was a time where i couldn’t imagine having another a child. when i felt the call to you though, it was strong and undeniable and so i did what was obvious to do: i listened. and that’s the way the story of me and you has continued to unfold my little big man: you show me how it’s meant to […]

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justify my thug

i got 99 problems but my boy ain’t one!      

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slow dance

i dug my heels in and scaled back on work. it’s fantastic. beyond, actually. i missed my guys and our balance and so less (money) is definitely more (love) in this case. this recipe is also fantastic but i never would have known if i’d been too busy to enjoy a cup of tea and flip through a magazine after kiddo bed time. […]

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spring is making promises

my guy and i got married 6 years ago this month, just as the days were getting longer and winter was losing hold. this year, to “celebrate”, we went out for a whole day together- just us. to be honest, i initially considered cancelling. both of us have been exhausted and beaten down from weeks of sickness, […]

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