if it’s any consolation, i do too.
for those of you who aren’t in the know, read on. if i’d gone in prepared it might’ve helped.
for those of you who live and breathe the chaos that comes courtesy of a three year old, take comfort: you are not alone.
the threenager: a behavioural and personality profile
15. pervasive self centeredness and disregard for public interest.
teen: me, me, me, me, me. it’s all about me. knock, knock. who’s there? me.
threen: yah, have you heard of primary narcissism?
14. a prevailing sense of entitlement.
teen: i want; i need; i like; i think.
threen: i wanna; i need; i like; i think.
13. little respect for authority / insubordination.
teen: #%&@ you! i quit!
threen: you’re not the boss of me!
12. regular displays of defiance and rebellion.
teen: deep sighs, eye rolls, and door slams are on the menu.
11. the silent treatment.
(if only there was more of this…).
teen: drugs, sex, rock n’ roll.
threen: (sounds like) get down from there, that is not safe! get that out of your mouth. that’s an interesting outfit choice. why are the crayons in your underwear? please don’t sit upside down. keep your tongue in your mouth. it’s not appropriate to goose your neighbour. you made this for me? how special. what is it? no, you cannot have chocolate for dinner. everything in moderation babe, then no one gets hurt.
teen: you’re the worst, i hate you!
threen: you’re a mean mommy!
8. a disproportionate interest in genitalia.
7. threats (a lot of threats).
teen: if you don’t let me, i’m going to run away.
threen: “if you don’t play with me i won’t be your best friend anymore”.
6. high risk behaviour / total disregard for personal safety.
car surfing? jumping off playgrounds? what’s the diff?
5. excessive time spent in the bathroom.
4. withdrawal from parental affection.
teen: don’t touch me. get away from me. i can’t stand you. get a life.
threen: “i don’t want to be called love anymore”.
3. friends. friends. friends. friends.
2. emotional disregulation.
teen: explosive outbursts.
threen: epic tantrums.
1. the onset of pms.
teen: marked hormonal instability characterized by cyclical irritability, dysphoria, and mood fluctuations.
threen: all of the above except the “preschooler menace syndrome” runs on a shorter cycle: one day on, one day off.
there she be.
as you may notice, i’ve got no how-to strategies, solutions, or success stories to impart. though i am delighted to report that we’re working our way through the other side, i’m sorry that i don’t have any good-news parenting tips for you. i think that you can only be patient, strong, and optimistic and ride this one out.
good luck soldier. and keep your chin up, four looks promising.
in solidarity, hh.