this year, to “celebrate”, we went out for a whole day together- just us.
to be honest, i initially considered cancelling. both of us have been exhausted and beaten down from weeks of sickness, little sleep, too much work, and hardly any free time. instead of date day, i thought that with my children in care of trusted family i could have a slow and unaccompanied bath. i was drawn to the idea of reading with coffee in the day and to the sweet possibility of a nap, one that ended on my terms. i hadn’t been to yoga in awhile and i was tempted to attend the 430pm class that i can never get to. i thought that after first loving myself i could arrive to him in a good place.
i didn’t bail. i caffeinated myself and forced myself out in to the city for a day of unplanned discovery with no one to buffer us from each other. i chose time in, i chose him.
you may know, it’s no secret after all, that me and my man found each other clumsily. we were a couple that discovered we had a thick connection that seemingly existed in defiance to our own expectations. and, it works, this union. mostly, anyhow.
as a partnership, as parents, and as a family we are a harmonious and compatible machine. but as a couple, we need to ensure we stay in line. we have to carve out close and ensure undisturbed so to allow our differences to fall in to rhythm. sometimes it takes effort to remember who the other is, appreciate that, and then release into a place that’s fluid.
my eldest son kept referring to our anniversary outing as a “play date for mom and dad”. i didn’t know if it would be playful and i didn’t know what he expected or even intended. that’s the way it can become when two people who love each other are busy all the time- we just operate in good faith, contributing to mutual goals and assuming all will be well. either way, it was clear that it had been too long. too long since either of us had respite from the demands and commitments that swallow up our time and much too long since we had been alone, out of our home, and far away from the (glorious, wonderful, love soaked, and delicious) routines and dynamics that are entrenched.
we got there though, in the end. after a day of quiet and peaceful togetherness and a slow, but sure, reconnect, my man raised his glass to me and toasted our love, marriage and the gorgeous family that has come since.
sitting across from him, i found it humbling that i never could have known, all those years ago when we were strangers, just how patient a love could be. and, while observing the ways his appearance has changed over the years, i thought about the support that he has provided me- the kind that is just the right balance of generosity, encouragement, accountability and challenge. i felt so beyond thankful for what kind of man he is and i thought about the choice i made that day to invest in our time, in us, and bring some bias back to our shared needs.
the depth of our intimacy is so closely related to how much we have shared, how much we have grown alongside one another, and how we continuously and purposefully direct energy and attention towards what we have. it’s how we have achieved such happiness. it’s what keeps both of us, beaming and tearful, committed to each other, and to our family. our power is in our solidarity.
i made the right call.